The great Mallu Mess Hunt

A main course of viral fever and a sprinkling of food poisoning meant a very unpleasant trip of Udaipur. Neverthless it's lakes , green hills and low traffic seem like a distant and pleasant dream, as people around me honked in helplesness at the Bangalore traffic.

The screech and the smoke combo was crushing me. My phone rang. Dinner tonight with my Uncle - who is filthy rich and is worried ,curious ,amused ,impressed ,interested in the fact that I have started up.

There were some guests with him. So I had to be nicey nice, primy prim.

Sitting at at Taj West End at around 9 pm,, all prim and proper ,with 3 to 4 important guests from Oman, on a Saturday evening, gave me optimism my Sunday would be great.

I hate using the fork and the spoon!!! If I could I would shove the fork up the ass of the guy who made it a part of table manners.

I hate meaningless conversations!!! But sometimes the silence can get to you.

Have you been to Bangalore before?
How do you like the weather, the food and whatever else you might care to like?
So did you enjoy the shopping?
How's the food?


That's more than enough. I had asked enough questions. Enough to get the 'He is not an anti-socail element certificate'

Now it was their turn. I had provoked them. They were silently going about their meal when I thought I should atleast try socializing. They were going to hit back big time.


Have you been to Oman?

WIWHSIIC(What I would have said If I could):The answer to that question is not going to change your or my life- so why waste my energy
WIAS(What I actually said): No , But would love to be visit the place

What does your company do?
WIWHSIIC(What I would have said If I could):Oh we generally 'Do' the client. We are a management consultancy.
WIAS(What I actually said): We are a management consultancy.

Why are'nt you eating?

WIWHSIIC(What I would have said If I could):Bcos I cant keep answering questions with food in my mouth and the frigging fork has conspired with the meat on the plate to resist all my attacks.
WIAS(What I actually said): Oh just waiting for the desert.


Are you married?(This question was a stunner and probably stood out for its logical disconnect)

WIWHSIIC(What I would have said If I could):No !,but thatdoes not mean you add me to your marriagable guys catalogue and dedicate your life to seeing me tie the knot(unless afcourse you have a beautiful looking Lebanese female all lined up)

WIAS(What I actually said): No, Iam just 24 .

The jarring music in the back ground and the quiver of meaningless questions fired at me and my constant tussle with the fork and the food atleast ensured I wasn't bored and I ate less of the Baking Soda marooned food..

Its nights like these that trigger me to eat my heart out at a Mallu Mess and lick the remnants of the curry stained with the flavour of Fish or beef off my fingers and feel happy and content with life.

Well just as I was about to end this post I got a small idea. Why not ask all readers to share the exact address of all the Mallu Messes they know in bangalore. (You can put it as comments)

I shall start: The mess is called Jose ettan's. Its near Christ College. If you are going towards Forum from Christ College take the right turn which takes you to Kairali Restaurant and keep going straight till the road forks. take the left and the road curves to the right. Follow it. The house on the right is Jose Ettan. Anyway once you reach around the area just keep following Mallu looking people and you will reach the place.Tke the effort to go there. Its worth it.